The fact that you argue with your significant other isn’t a sign of a troubled relationship. Arguments are bound to happen when your life is intertwined with someone, even when you have a lot in common. No matter how big or small you perceive your arguments to be, I’ve noticed some common themes in how couples best solve their relationship conflicts.
5 Tips For Solving Relationship Conflicts:
Be direct – Your partner can’t read your mind. Have you ever waited too long to address an issue and when you finally did, you let go of everything you’d been holding onto for weeks? Being direct gets to the heart of the matter before things start to fester. If you find this is a recurring issue for you, it might be time to incorporate an honesty hour to discuss issues as they arise [Related: Direct to Least Direct].
*Being direct is about getting to the real issue, not about using harsh language.
Avoid generalizations – “You never take my side!” “You always stay at work late!” “You never help me around the house!” Generalizations put your partner on the defensive because they discount all the good and helpful things he or she does. Instead of addressing the issue at hand, your partner will argue back with examples of all the times he did in fact help around the house, take your side and come home from work on time. This is just talking in circles and it won’t solve any conflicts.
Know when to battle – There’s picking your battles and there’s knowing when to battle. Refrain from talking about how to raise the kids in public and if a topic will keep you fighting all night, bring it up in the morning. Couples should strive to end every night a semblance of peace in the home – that could mean agreeing to disagree.
Listen – Don’t just wait to speak, but really listen to what your partner has to say. Make eye contact, avoid jumping to conclusions and when you do speak, address the issues without reacting to your partner.
- Use “I” statements more than “you” statements – For example, “I feel frustrated when you don’t help me clean up around the house.” This directs the feelings back to you without going right in and blaming your partner. Adding the feeling behind your frustration makes it more personal and easier for your partner to see that they’re upsetting you and less like nagging.
Are the conflicts in your relationship causing you or your partner to constantly end the day upset? Sometimes a little bit of professional guidence can go a long way. Contact me for a 15-minute FREE consult.